Since I started reading Gary Zukav’s The Seat of the Soul, I’ve been trying to see into the soul of my Jezebel in search of a compassionate side. To see the purpose of the timeline collision of our lives from a different perspective. Perhaps in doing so, I could try to find the why not only in my story but in our stories.

At first, in the hours, days, and weeks after her death, I engaged in emotional warfare since nothing but hurtful and harmful memories surfaced from deep within my soul. Nevertheless, here I am – a good three months later, in search of something good, something purposeful in her existence? Yet I still can’t help but wonder: Can anyone be that evil unless there was a definite purpose in their existence?

There are personalities that are selfish and hostile and negative, but even in these cases, we cannot fully know the reasons why. These are hidden from view. That does not mean that we cannot recognize negativity when we see it, but we cannot judge it. (pp. 27-28)