I will not rush the healing process….[This book] will make its debut in due season and as a result will position me to be forever released from regret, shame, blame, guilt, [and any other negative emotions] that no longer serves my Highest Good. It is through this spirit of inner healing that others can also find healing…”
For nearly two decades, I’ve struggled to write The House of Jezebel. Initially, I hesitated because – to be frankly honest – I was hoping my Jezebel would die first. Yes, I believed that if she were deceased then this whole writing process would be much easier. I’d be free to tell my story without the fear of overwhelming criticism (or the threat of retaliation) from her and her entourage of community eunuchs (followers). Of course, I know better – but it was a good excuse for a very long while. Obviously, I knew that her physical death wouldn’t be a solution to my fears.
My next excuse shifted to blaming God for getting me into this mess. (Why didn’t someone stop me from signing this particular life soul contract? 😂 ) In my confused mind, I thought I could trick Him (the Universe) in releasing me from this project. I figured the longer I waited, then either me or the Universe would give up and the gods would find someone else to do its “dirty work”. 😆 Perhaps they would find someone else to assign this ominous task too – just not me. Actually, I was “betting” a lot on this one more than the first option. 😩
In the meanwhile, my Jezebel continued to live on even though it has been almost 18 years since my mother died (which I felt was totally unfair but I know why now). Yet it was the death of my mom that laid the foundation for me to begin exploring the Jezebel Spirit (🚩). That exploration started from a Christian contemporary viewpoint and evolved into a mystical/metaphysical perspective.
I never set out to write a book. It was furthest from my mind. But in 2006, I recall “a total stranger” telling me how she sensed that I’d write a book about my life and back then, I figured she was the one crazy and not me. Strangely enough and twelve years later, I’ve yet to come across any titles that are remotely similar to the approach being laid out in The House of Jezebel: Fulfilling Destiny in Spite of Your Upbringing.🏳 Don’t get me wrong! There are plenty of religious books on the market about the Spirit of Jezebel but few if any that are not Christian or scientifically focused. 🤔
Without realizing that such a book was brewing within me, I entered an essay contest with a popular magazine. It was through those eight pages that I saw my own life circumstances flash before me. I saw the state of my entire life poured out before me filled with nothing but hurt, shame, and guilt. I finally saw – via my own words – what had been bottled up for the first 20+ years of my life. In my first decade of writing The House of Jezebel, rereading my initial drafts left even me totally shaken because of the deep underlying emotional overtones. 😡 I was mad – no I was pissed! 😭 Even up until recently, whenever I picked up some of those earlier writings, I’d become so overwhelmed. It wasn’t because my writing was good or bad, it was because I was overwhelmed by the hurt and the anger that I didn’t want to leave that type of impression upon my future readers. Whenever that realization hit me, immediate relief would overtake me because it provided yet another excuse for why I couldn’t write. (See God, I’m not healed yet, so that’s why I can’t write this year. 🙄) Once I had a good excuse in mind, I’d return to “life as normal” and stop writing for a number of years. Actually, I really didn’t know where to start with my own healing. But now (today)… I sense within myself an arising, an awakening, a knowing of who I am and why I am here. ✌
What brings me back to center each time I write now is when I recall things that I’ve heard others say. I’ve heard and encountered many personal stories from others who’ve had direct contact with my Jezebel that truly understand my plight. Some of which have battle Jezebels of their own. However, in recent weeks, my memories have become flooded with accounts of others who were gravely mistreated by my Jezebel and such treatment left them permanently scarred. I can only hope that they too find peace (of mind) from Jezebel’s hurts. Even I recall the many times in which I too have hurt others especially when I unknowingly acted according to “the spirit in which I was raised”. To those on the receiving end of such, to you, I say I am truly sorry. 🙏
Now (today) I fully understand that The House of Jezebel isn’t just my story anymore. IT’S OUR STORY!!!
It’s the story of those who’ve come before me and those who will come behind me.
It’s my “inner spirit” recalling and relaying what it’s like to be raised by a parental figure that fully embodies the low-vibrational frequency + vampiric tendencies like that of (the Spirit of) Jezebel.👿
It’s about how one can finally break free from Jezebel’s grip and evolve about the “fuckery” of it all.
Even as I write this post, I AM NO LONGER FEARFUL. Actually, I AM IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE – almost like a different realm, a higher frequency. 🌌
I can truly say that I’ve finally arrived at a place in life where I am open to experience true love, peace, wholeness, health, wealth, healing and abundance on all and across all levels, planes, dimensions, timelines and the like.
I am safe to say that I’m FREE FROM JEZEBEL! I’ve finally able to LET IT ALL GO and simply moving on with my existence.🕊
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